Match Report

Excuses for non-attendance ranging from participation in a Buddhist retreat to having recklessly consumed two small glasses of Pims the night before (Graham Jackson, get a grip), conspired to reduce the latest Northern Allstars reunion football match to a 7-a-side game (with 13 players!) on the University Sports Centre's astroturf pitch. That aside, one shouldn't overlook the historical significance of this encounter as Sid McKinlay's team (of 7 players!) were finally well and truly trounced.

A tight first half saw breathtaking goals from the Ginger Warriors (Shaggy and Mince) narrowly pip a lucky effort from Sheffy Shaw, whose gentle through ball into the penalty area was miraculously intercepted by a stray gust of wind, simultaneously steering the ball goal bound and blowing sand in the facing keeper's eyes.

A half-time tactical decision proved decisive, as Sid removed his mittens and assumed the position of goal-hanger. At first this appeared doubly ominous, with Sid's belly causing havoc when thrown around with gay abandon in the opposition penalty area, and the simple fact that he was no longer in nets. This however only spurred Dr Jack Hawkins into action, as he bagged a second-half hat-trick in an ultimate 6-2 victory. Any influence Sid sought to have in the game was expertly curtailed by a well-timed tackle from Jez May, which elicited a high-pitched howl from Sid, the like of which has not been heard since he sneaked into Florence Nightingale Hall ten years ago.

As a sporting spectacle the game can only have encouraged the watching Lenton Hall football captain, whose team hope to take on an Allstar XI next year. Indeed, there were signs that even the Neville brothers would merit places on an Allstar substitute bench. Such standards continued in the traditional post-match penalty competition which was uncannily reminiscent of a Dutch team with Chris Waddle and Gareth Southgate guesting.

As the Tangerine and Yellow bibs kindly loaned from the Sports Centre (very little dribbling but lots of sweat, sorry Jo!) were handed in, minds turned to nocturnal adventures yet to be had in the Via Fossa and Zone, where one or two shandies would nicely wash down the Amigos party fuel. A hazy Sunday lunchtime discussion in the Three Wheatsheaves concluded that the consolation goal had indeed been scored by young Tommo.

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